Do I Really?

This morning, I was reading in my Bible… I opened to Psalm 63:

You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.Ps 63:1 NIV

I read that, and I thought…
Do I really?
Do I really earnestly seek God?
Do I really thirst for God, as I would thirst for water in a dry, parched desert?
Does my whole being really long for God?

I would like to answer an enthusiastic, “Yes, of course I do!” to all those questions…

But… I am not so sure…

My little bit of heaven on earth…

I am in the place that is one of my absolute favorites…the mountains of North Carolina, between Blowing Rock and Boone.  There used to be a summer camp here, named Camp Yonahlossee, that operated for many, many years… it closed down in the early 1980’s, when it was bought out by the people who developed the area as a resort…

The developers of the resort were sensitive to the fact that many of the people who had been a part of the camp, either as a camper, or as staff, or in some cases, as both, really loved the camp and the area… so they named the resort area with the camp’s name, and when several years back, some of the “campers” who had kept in touch with each other, decided to see who else they could find, and then began to have reunions from time to time, the people who ran the resort welcomed the former campers and staff with open arms…

I was one of the camp counselors for a few years, and I am here this weekend for a reunion…  why is this one of my favorite places to be?  I love this place for it’s beauty as well as it’s quietness, sense of peace, and timelessness…   and in this area of North Carolina, there is a scent in the air that I have found in no other place… I can only describe it as a gentle scent of sweet earthiness…

Being here restores and rejuvenates my spirit and soul…   I am blessed!!

conversations…

We converse with other people all the time…

Sometimes those conversations are long…sometimes short…

Sometimes they have great meaning and import…other times, not so much…

Many of them, we forget…

But then, there are those we will remember for the rest of our lives…

 

Me:  I love you, Mom…

Mom:  I love you more…

Me:  I love YOU more…

Mom:  I loved you first…

 

I really miss having that (almost daily) conversation with my mom…

a little music please…

I have decided to start playing the piano again… Not just occasionally pick out notes to help me learn a melody, but really play the piano again.

As a kid, I took lessons for about five years, so reading music is not an issue… What the issue is, is training my fingers where and how to go on the keyboard, as well as learning again how to play with the correct timing and rhythm…

So today, I went by a music store and purchased some beginning piano books… One with exercises for the fingers (in fact, a book I remember having and using, oh so many years ago)… One with scales and some very simple songs that will get my right hand and left hand playing their own lines, at the same time… One that is a beginning method type book… And one that has some relatively simple (though slightly more involved) classical pieces, written by J. S. Bach…

These are all beginning books… A six or seven year old child, who is just starting out to learn to play might use these same books (well, the one with pieces written by Bach might be challenging for a very beginner, yet he/she could possibly start to work on some from that book after a few months of lessons)…

But do I feel that those books are somehow beneath me, because they could be used by six year olds, and I am far past being six years old…?

No…

Not in the least do I think I have insulted myself because I have chosen to use some relatively simple beginning books…

I just want to be able to come home from work and sit down at the piano and immerse myself in something over which I have some measure of control…

one year ago today…

One year ago, at this very hour, I was sleeping in my mother’s “easy chair” right next to her bed… there was a hospice nurse in the room, who was keeping an eye on mom… and mom was in her last hours of life on this earth.

In just a few hours, at about 8:10am, I would be awakened by the nurse, as she said…

I don’t think your mom has much longer to live.

…and I would stand up from the chair, turn and look at mom, and realize she had just taken her last breath.

It is hard to believe that a year has gone by since that day… and that now, she is with me only in heart and mind and memory…

Yet I know that mom is at peace, resting in the Lord’s Presence, and that there will come a day when I will see her again… (and dad… and Lemmy… both of whom got to heaven ahead of mom… I’ll see them all again)…

I miss all three of you…

I love all three of you…