conversations…

We converse with other people all the time…

Sometimes those conversations are long…sometimes short…

Sometimes they have great meaning and import…other times, not so much…

Many of them, we forget…

But then, there are those we will remember for the rest of our lives…

 

Me:  I love you, Mom…

Mom:  I love you more…

Me:  I love YOU more…

Mom:  I loved you first…

 

I really miss having that (almost daily) conversation with my mom…

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two weeks and one lifetime ago…

As of tomorrow, it will have only been two weeks… yet it feels as though it has been a lifetime since it happened…

Since Mom died…  Since Mom stepped through Death into Eternity… and really began to live…

Life…    Death…    then Life again…

Life forever… for all of time and beyond what we can even imagine…

For our time on earth is not marked the way God’s time in Eternity is marked…

Our time is determined by the rotation of the earth (day and night) and its revolution around the sun (seasons and years)…  it is the only way we can understand time… it is in fact the way God gave us to understand and mark the time of our mortal lives… But God’s time is eternal and not dependent on such things such as days and nights and seasons and years…

Mom’s time has changed… her time has become eternal…

I’m still stuck in the earthly time of the here and now… seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, years… determined by the earth and its relationship to the sun… at the moment, taking things one day at a time… and some days it feels as though I am just going through the motions…

I’m glad that Mom is no longer bound by her mortal body or mortal timekeeping… I’m glad that she will no longer get old (perhaps I should say older… she was already old the way we measure time and think of age…) or sick or experience pain or sadness… I’m glad that she has been re-united with her friends and family members who died, who entered eternity, ahead of her… I’m glad that she is living in the Light and Life of the Lord…  And I know I will see her again one day…

But for now…

I miss her…

Mom’s reality … Mom’s world …

In the last few months, Mom has told me several times that she doesn’t know what she would do without me… It seems that now I am her whole world… I am what links her to reality as she has always known it to be…

That is a lot of responsibility…

And sometimes… it scares the hell out of me…

age…

The other day (last Wednesday) when I visited my mom, I let her know that I wouldn’t be able to visit the following day… There was a meeting that I had to go to, and I’m still getting home from work later than I want to, and the meeting was in the early evening… so I knew I’d be getting home with only a few minutes before I’d have to leave for the meeting… so I let mom know I wouldn’t see her that day, but that I’d be by to see her the day after (Friday)…

“OK, I’ll miss you,” she said.  “And I’ll miss you,” I answered back.  A hug and a kiss, and I was on my way home.

Thursday night, it was 9:30, and I’d been home from my meeting about half an hour when the phone rang…  It was mom, calling to ask if I’d been by to see her…  (Yes, she is getting forgetful…)

“No,” I said.  “Remember, I told you yesterday that I had a meeting tonight?”

She began to cry.  “I thought something had happened to you.”

One of the nurses that helps to care for mom got on the phone and assured me that they would take care of mom and that she would be ok… I explained that I’d told mom the day before I wasn’t coming, but that mom must have forgotten…   The nurse was very reassuring and I asked her to tell mom I loved her, to give her a hug and to let her know I’d be there the next day to see her…

I am not used to seeing my mother cry… she has always been a strong person, with a personality to match…

But while her personality is still fairly strong and consistent, her hold on her emotions is not as strong as it used to be… and the thought, the fear that something might have happened to me was a little too much for her… so she cried some…

She was ok the next day when I saw her.  From now on, I will have to remember to call her on days that I don’t visit, even if I’ve told her beforehand I’m not coming…

I’m glad that my mom is still living…  And at 95 years old, she allowed to forget things, and to become afraid, and to cry…

But I’m not used to it…

Sometimes I hate “old age”… and what it does to people…

Do You Know What Today Is?

“Do you know what today is?”

This was the question that Mom asked me yesterday when I went to visit.  Yesterday was November 11th … generally known in the United States as Veteran’s Day, a day for honoring those who have served in the military forces in our country … and Mom could have been thinking of the fact that both my Dad and I were veterans … but she wasn’t.

In my family, November 11th has another significance…

I had heard the story many times … of how on a particular Friday afternoon Mom and Dad had each quickly left work and hurried home, had gathered together the newly and lovingly hand made infant clothes, and then together with their young son, had driven to the county’s Children’s Home … so that they might receive the infant who would become the fourth member of their family … their new infant daughter … and how, after receiving their daughter, on that day and days afterwards, they had introduced her to an extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins … and to their church family as well.

This was what Mom was referring to as she asked me if I knew what the day was …

And how could I possibly forget the day’s significance?

For this day, so many years ago on November 11th, was the day that I received the greatest gift anyone could receive…

It was the day that God gave me my family.